Its gonna be okay

Is there anybody out there who has never been told, "Its gonna be okay." 

I for one, have been told quite the million times over. Whether it was a rejected college application, an enormous burn from the coffee vending machine, a mild heartbreak or a blinding heartburn. Sometimes I've believed it. At other times I've tried to believe it. And believe it or not, its been okay. 

Its been alright either because the seemingly terrible event was probably a non-issue. Or perhaps I outgrew the pain. Or simply the fact that I grew older.  Now what does that say about me? 

Does it make me one of those annoyingly optimistic people? The 'nothing-can-ever-get-me-down' type. To be fair, I am in fact quite positive. But I am also a wallow-er.  I cannot talk myself out of grief. Despite that, 'everything seems to have become okay'. And that makes me wonder if I have not actually faced anything truly sad yet. Relieved but curious.

I've always wanted to know myself well. And it occurs to me that I don't really know my pain threshold. This is not to say that I'm unhappy about not being unhappy. Quite delighted, really. But it makes me wonder.

Or is it that life is simply a sum total of the number of things one takes in one's stride. The things we forgive and forget, the things we accept and move on. It is possible that the not-so-great events in my life have changed me in a way that they've become a part of me. Now that is a very promising proposition! It seems to suggest that natural selection wont throw me out! That no matter what, I'll survive.

That's it then. Let me believe that phoenix-like I shall rise, every time!

On that very positive note, Happy New Year everyone! It seems like its gonna be OKAY!

Dusk until Dawn

It's a strange place, this. When you are finally able to take that step out of yourself you see how bizarre it is. How bizarre you are. How utterly inexplicable any of this would to be, to the world.

We don't sleep. Our days don't end. We get no closure.

We fall in love and hate at the same time. We create philosophies of our own. We contradict ourselves every minute. And even as these people with split personalities we get loved and cared for. We are missed.

We want privacy. But we want to know where everybody is. Okay that's just me.

We live like a family, with all its attending problems. We have our internal favoritisms, our contradicting feelings towards the same person, our love-hate sibling like relationships, the son, the bro, the sorority. We are sublimely incestuous.

It is easy here to forget who you are and who you had wanted to become. To lose any ambition you may have started with. To do everything you had vowed you would never do.

Contradictions are aplenty. Disappointments even more so. The ones with friends here are lucky. The ones with mere acquaintances are luckier still.

We live on an island in a reality TV series. We watch the sun rise. We then, don't go to bed.

I am in love.

That dishonest and That stupid.

So we have encountered both: the utterly buffoon-like and impossible thief.

The one who cannot just do one reasonably sensible thing; the one who looks at his watch with a cup of tea in his hand, the one who cuts the branch that he is sitting on, the one who cant add two to two and the like...
We have also seen (or heard of) that soulless dishonest man! The constantly lying, cheating dog, without a bottom line of integrity?
Now, think of a person with BOTH these attributes! To be that dishonest and that stupid would be deadly. No I mean DEADly!!! Like something that is worthy of or brings on death!

I have heard people say that its the stubborn fool that is the scariest (or the gullible and passionate young man). But no. This combination of the idiot with the cheat has to take the cake. They are capable of doing most harm to themselves and even more frighteningly to others. They could rob a bank and put the money in their own bank account, they could shop lift a scarf and put it around your neck in the shop itself, they could well, lets just say they could do a lot of harm.

So watch your backs! I have a feeling, one is lurking around the corner!

My Monday Mornings

Yes, I hate them.

Perhaps not quite passionately as I have heard many claim. Perhaps not with the same rage that I feel when somebody snatches something I'm reading from my hand (what is with that by the way?) But I hate Monday mornings all the same.

In a quiet, stealthy way the Monday morning blue finds its way to the center of my being and I can sense that I am quieter, edgier and perhaps even more intimidating than usual. It starts with that strange sense of loss on Sunday evening actually. And the worst is the first moment of consciousness after waking up on the doomed day. I always feel, "If only it was any other day, even Tuesday!"

It probably has to do with the Monday tests I had all through school life, or that food at home on Sundays was always special, or that Monday means dealing with all that I have not done in weekend that went by.

Be as it may, I love a Monday such as this. After a three day weekend I have a Monday morning without class, without work, and without ma telling me that I should get out of bed!

After all, its still the weekend.